Jokes
Re: Jokes
An alien space ship lands on the White House lawn. We are thrilled to find the alien is very human-like and very friendly. He asks if our president can set up a meeting of the leaders of all nations of the world, which he certainly can do. So in a week there’s a huge meeting with the leaders of 200 nations. Each leader has a few minute to ask whatever questions he’d like.
So eventually it gets to the Pope, leader of the independent Vatican. The Pope asks the alien if he’s familiar with Jesus Christ, the savior of the universe. “Sure I know him!” the alien says. “He visited us only about two farges ago—that’s about six months in your time. Great guy, Jesus!”
The Pope says “He visited you six months ago?”
“Yes!” the alien says. “He visits us every two or three years. We’re always very happy to see him!”
The Pope says “He came here two thousand years ago—that’s four thousand farges! And we’re still waiting for him to come back! Why does he visit you so often?”
The alien says “Well we make this great chocolate on our planet. Dark chocolate. Jesus loves chocolate! We always send him away with ten pounds of chocolate. And we have a big party when he leaves.”
“Chocolate?” the Pope says.
“Sure. He loves the stuff. When he visited here last, how did you send him off?”
So eventually it gets to the Pope, leader of the independent Vatican. The Pope asks the alien if he’s familiar with Jesus Christ, the savior of the universe. “Sure I know him!” the alien says. “He visited us only about two farges ago—that’s about six months in your time. Great guy, Jesus!”
The Pope says “He visited you six months ago?”
“Yes!” the alien says. “He visits us every two or three years. We’re always very happy to see him!”
The Pope says “He came here two thousand years ago—that’s four thousand farges! And we’re still waiting for him to come back! Why does he visit you so often?”
The alien says “Well we make this great chocolate on our planet. Dark chocolate. Jesus loves chocolate! We always send him away with ten pounds of chocolate. And we have a big party when he leaves.”
“Chocolate?” the Pope says.
“Sure. He loves the stuff. When he visited here last, how did you send him off?”
Re: Jokes
A man in British Columbia woke up one morning to find a Grizzly bear up on his roof, so he called a bear expert.
The bear expert turns up, parks his van and takes out a long pole, a large snarling Pitbull and a shotgun.
He passes the Pitbull and the loaded shotgun to the man.
The house owner then asks the bear expert what his plan of action is, he replies;
"The long pole is for me to poke the bear, so that it falls off of the roof".
"When it falls to the ground, the Pitbull is trained to bite the bear's testicles hard, and not to let go".
The man asks, "So what is the shotgun for?"
The bear experts replies, "If the bear knocks me off of the roof ... ... ... ... ... you shoot the dog".
The bear expert turns up, parks his van and takes out a long pole, a large snarling Pitbull and a shotgun.
He passes the Pitbull and the loaded shotgun to the man.
The house owner then asks the bear expert what his plan of action is, he replies;
"The long pole is for me to poke the bear, so that it falls off of the roof".
"When it falls to the ground, the Pitbull is trained to bite the bear's testicles hard, and not to let go".
The man asks, "So what is the shotgun for?"
The bear experts replies, "If the bear knocks me off of the roof ... ... ... ... ... you shoot the dog".
Re: Jokes
An explorer is travelling deep in the jungle, when he comes across and undiscovered warrior tribe.
They capture him, and tell him they are going to kill him, and then offer his body to their God.
He pleads for mercy, so the Chief says that if he can pass the test to be a warrior, he will be spared.
The test is, that he has to go into three huts in order and complete the tasks.
In the first hut he must drink one gallon of their Fire Water. (alcohol made from honey)
In the second hut, he must remove a painful tooth from a massive Silverback Gorilla.
In the third hut, he must bed and satisfy the lusty female inside, so he starts the challenge;
He goes into the first hut, and after an hour, comes out of the hut completely drunk.
He goes into the second hut, and there is utter pandemonium, with screaming shouting.
After an hour he emerges, bruised, bleeding, missing three teeth and an ear.
He staggers up to the Chief and asks, "Where's this woman with a toothache then?"
They capture him, and tell him they are going to kill him, and then offer his body to their God.
He pleads for mercy, so the Chief says that if he can pass the test to be a warrior, he will be spared.
The test is, that he has to go into three huts in order and complete the tasks.
In the first hut he must drink one gallon of their Fire Water. (alcohol made from honey)
In the second hut, he must remove a painful tooth from a massive Silverback Gorilla.
In the third hut, he must bed and satisfy the lusty female inside, so he starts the challenge;
He goes into the first hut, and after an hour, comes out of the hut completely drunk.
He goes into the second hut, and there is utter pandemonium, with screaming shouting.
After an hour he emerges, bruised, bleeding, missing three teeth and an ear.
He staggers up to the Chief and asks, "Where's this woman with a toothache then?"
Re: Jokes
A lowly goatherder was fed up with his life, so prayed to Allah to improve his lot.
He said, "I want to be white, have plenty of water and want to see lots of pussy".
The sky darkened, then there was a thunderbolt from the skies ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... and he was turned into a toilet.
He said, "I want to be white, have plenty of water and want to see lots of pussy".
The sky darkened, then there was a thunderbolt from the skies ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... and he was turned into a toilet.
