LeonG wrote: ↑Sun Dec 08, 2024 8:18 pm
Sometimes, it just takes time to kick in. I dropped out of school and worked for 2 years before realizing that I'm not going to make any money at the bottom of the food chain and I better change my game plan. Sometimes, kids are just not ready. Talking openly to him about salaries and cost of living might help but even then, if he's not ready, he's not listening.
Wise man.
So you first dropped out of school and eventually realised something and got back in it and worked your way up? Wow, it must have been very hard. Much respect. Bloody well done. If you pass by, very welcome to chat up with my teenager.
dstanners wrote: ↑Sun Dec 08, 2024 12:47 pm
Sadly both the local Real and the (relatively) nearby Gesamtschule are full at present, so we'll only know if a change is possible in June, which is a pity. That said, I've spoken with Kid 1 about it, which hopefully will encourage him to put some effort in to this school year where he is.
There isn't a private school in Bad Muenestereifel, so that isn't an option for us either.
Sorry, I thought you were nearer Bad Neuenahr-Ahrweiler, don't know why (they have an expensive private school).
Were you able to put him on a waiting list at the Realschule and the Gesamtschule? So you get a shot at any possible places in the summer?
Out of interest, which seemed like a better option?
So hopefully he now pulls his socks up. The reality of shorter schooling is that you have to crack on with something else sooner. Which also involves effort. As Leon discovered.
Can't advise which school to choose, but I have found over the years that come puberty most of my Nachhilfeschüler (English) developed this "kein Bock" attitude, regardless of which school and regardless of which subject. It's heartbreaking because the 4 pupils (14 - 15 years) I currently help with English (since age 10) are intelligent kids. One of them is going to drop out of Gymnasium in February to go to the local Sekundarschule. He's not interested in doing Abi, he wants to be a Handwerker, which is a good choice considering the shortage of Handwerker nowadays, but he doesn't yet know what exactly he wants to do when he leaves school. The one girl of the 4, who was a really keen learner and enjoyable to work with so far, is sadly also developing this lazy attitude. I've been doing Nachhilfe for the past 17 years and it's mostly the same come puberty. They are more interested in hanging out with their peers whether online or meetups.
I had the same worries with my own kids so many years ago and there was no internet back then, though the one telephone we had was constantly blocked. They made their own way eventually, but it was tough. The same with my granddaughter (24 now) who is in her 2nd year Ausbildung with DRK as Pflegefachperson with excellent marks. She left school at 16 with no Abschluss, dropped out of 3 Berufskollegs, then at 20 pulled her socks up and achieved a good Realschulabschluss, started training as a physio therapist and dropped out of that after a few months, and is now enjoying her training with DRK. Her main interest for the future is forensic psychology.
Alberto wrote: ↑Sun Dec 08, 2024 10:47 pm
So you first dropped out of school and eventually realised something and got back in it and worked your way up? Wow, it must have been very hard. Much respect. Bloody well done. If you pass by, very welcome to chat up with my teenager.
Right, I missed most of 8th and 9th grade. Then quit completely. Worked for 2 years and decided to go back. I went to a type of berufsschule which also offered abi and most of the people there were older drop outs so I had good company. After abi I went to university and completed a BSc. Of course, this was in Iceland some 30-40 yrs. ago and I have no idea how easy it is here although I do know there are schools that let you do it.
The problem is, I don't think I or anybody else really could reason with any teenager who is pigheaded enough. I certainly was. I was not listening to anybody because I for sure knew better. I finally saw the light after working in a mailroom in a big company, seeing my mates in the basement and comparing with the people on the upper floors. Even kids from gymnasium doing summer jobs were making more than we were. There are plenty of other people who have similar stories.
I would like to add that with puberty certain psychological problems can emerge. My granddaughter for example had depression and at 18 was diagnosed with borderline syndrome, which is what made her a difficult person to deal with - also her with herself. But once it was diagnosed she began to understand herself better and with therapeutic help she began to be able to deal with her moods better. It also helped her mother and myself deal with her better, though it's like walking on egg shells mostly, constantly being careful what to say.
I'm conscious this might be turning things away from school choices in Germany, and more towards the difficulties I am currently having with Kid1, but several of you have already added important points/helpful thoughts, so I would like to address them. Apologies in advance if this is too off topic.
So, "kein Bock" would be a perfect summary of Kid 1's attitude to school and the world in general (excluding the online game Fortnite) since turning 13. He doesn't care about Abi or any school outcome. He does not currently have any career aims or aspirations. When he is at school, he does almost no work (his history folder contains two pages of work this year), but he isn't disruptive during lessons and is very social during breaks. He is bright enough that he has been able to scrape through the past few years whilst coasting / putting in a bit of effort just before the final grades, but unsurprisingly, this has caught up with him.
To say his attitude sucks is a massive understatement. For example, I have just received an email from his English teacher, telling me that inter alia, he hasn't done any homework for ages, and isn't participating in the lesson. When I talked to Kid1 about this, he responded along the lines that I'm always on at him whatever he does so it doesn't matter anyway. VERY belatedly, he has agreed to do some of the outstanding homework....and this is for English. One school point to note, is that at his school here in NRW, 50% of his grade is based on class participation. I am not sure if that is the same everywhere, but it's a killer for his marks. In fairness, I'd have hated it too.
I have started family therapy, and I have also booked an appointment with a Jugend Psychotherapist in February. This isn't the first time I've sought external help with him, but to date, that has been focussed on looking for help / coping strategies, rather than seeking a diagnosis/label. It has gone beyond that stage now though.
Fundamentally, I just want him to have a happy life, whatever school outcome or career he decides upon. Whilst he is wasting his time at school and being lazy/rebellious at home, he isn't even deriving any pleasure out of it.
I am 55yo, I had French in school for four years from class 7 to class 10. I was a lazy pubuscent st*ppid idiot at that time...
As of today, there is nothing left in my brain concerning those four years of French. Nothing. It is all gone. Four years of attending classes wasted. And I had business opportunities as an adult where talking French would have been very helpful, but it didn't work out, as my knowledge of the French language wasn't enough... As *nothing* is there anymore. Oh well...
Retrospectively, I consider myself a f*cking idiot for wasting four years of going to school *not* learning something.
Yeah, everbody on this forum, call me an idiot. You have a chance to win this argument, and you will win this argument. And you are right.
But... Let's assume I am the 15yo pubuscent st*ppid idiot from the past: You do not have a chance to win that argument... No way. Because at that time, I was 15yo and I just said "F*ck *ff".
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But now to something completely different: Some if not most of the people reading my rant here had lessons called "Music" in school, didn't you? A teacher taught you how to read "notes" or let's better call it "sheet notes", and you - at some point of your education - could read simple music sheet "notes" to the point that a melody was present in you brain, right?
Is that still there? Yes or no?
OK, if it still there, fine... However, if the melody is not present in your brain anymore when looking at a simple music sheet "notes" nowadays: Well, you made a decission concering your life when you were 15yo...
Franklan wrote: ↑Mon Dec 09, 2024 9:05 pm
OK, if it still there, fine... However, if the melody is not present in your brain anymore when looking at a simple music sheet "notes" nowadays: Well, you made a decission concering your life when you were 15yo...
I never learned how to read sheet music at school. We learned about instruments and sang songs I guess.
I think it's easier to pick something up again though if you already learned it once. Like it's not completely forgotten, just put away in storage because you are not using it.
We had to do a second language for 2 years and choice was Latin or Russian. I am proud to be still be able to say "that is the wall", "hello" and "thank you". You can of course be a fantastic musician or singer and not be able to read music, so just get singing Franklan!
